I feel so tired. I wish I could sleep. I can't really have a nap. I have an exam this afternoon.
I've just been to see the nurse. Helen had mentioned to my tutor that Louisa had died and she was worried about how it would affect me. She was kind of right. I've been so suicidal recently, technically before I found out about Louisa, but anyway. Louise the nurse was nice today. We chatted about quite a bit and she said nice things about Louisa and I's relationship. I still feel I'd rather just be unconscious than continue living. I'm so exhausted. I could just collapse and sleep forever. I want to be allowed to just waste away. I know I can't unless I'm out of society. Here, I feel I have to keep on going and pretend everythings okay. Isn't that what everyone else is doing?
She made me at least say that I wouldn't be a risk to myself, in terms of overdosing etc... I was a bit hesitant, but she took my word for it that I'd last until Wednesday when I next see her. I don't think the drugs will have arrived by then. She says I should get to A+E if I'm about to do anything. I know I wouldn't ever take myself to A+E.
I'm so tired. I want to just sleep indefinetly...

Current Location: Bedroom
Current Mood: exhausted
Current Music: Awful opera on classic FM...